Is life a comedy or a tragedy? Are we the hero or the victim? Or maybe the villain? Is the world descending into chaos and dystopia or are we on a path of ever-increasing prosperity and progress? The stories we tell orient us to our place in the world and our role in the story.
The Bible tells the story of a loving God and a messy people. There is a beginning and an end. Major themes of creation, redemption, and sanctification trace the arc of this grand narrative. And Jesus Christ is the center of it all – the great hero of the story who comes incognito to rescue and redeem his broken creation.
Invocation
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Invitation
O Lord, your scars are your trophies, proof of your unfailing love for me. I am haunted by the guilt of my past, the sins of my present, and my fear of the future. Lord, at the cross you said, “It is finished.” So I stop my worry. I rest in you. You have done it all. Amen.
Confession
“Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Lord, forgive my fugitive ways. I turn and run from you. Forgive my criminal acts of hypocrisy and self-righteousness. Forgive my violations of arrogance and selfishness. Forgive me for denying you, ignoring you, and disregarding you. I am the one at fault. I have no other help but to turn my face to you and plead, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
Word: Matthew 14:27-29
“But Jesus immediately said to them: ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’ ‘Lord if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said.”
Meditation: Courage in Weakness by Susan Becher Schultz
Courage. What a word. As a child, courage to me looked like running into the ocean, knowing it would be freezing. In middle school, it was riding on the bus, even though I knew I would get bullied the second I stepped foot on it. In high school, it was staying on the dance team, even though my social anxiety told me I would screw up every dance I performed. In college, it was walking away from an abusive relationship, though at the time, it didn’t feel all that courageous. That’s the thing about courage. I think, sometimes, it feels a lot like weakness.
I never thought I would be a victim of abuse. I had this picture of what abuse looked like. I thought it would be more obvious, with black eyes or broken bones. My relationship consisted mostly of emotional abuse, but there was verbal and some physical abuse as well. I think, across society, we have this vision of an extremely weak individual, usually female, who is unable to leave their abuser. I recently read the book It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover and she does a beautiful job of reframing this. She asks why the blame always goes on the victim, instead of looking at the abuser and holding them accountable.
Colleen mentions a statistic in this book; I’m not sure how accurate it still is, but something like 85 percent of victims return to their abuser. I realized I was once part of that number. I went back to my abuser time and time again. A therapist once asked me how I ever got out of it. Truthfully, looking back, I don’t know how I did it. No one knew the depth of pain I was experiencing. The pain of leaving was worse than the pain of staying. It was in this quote by Colleen Hoover that I really understood the magnitude of it:
“Cycles exist because they are excruciating to break. It takes an astronomical amount of pain and courage to disrupt a familiar pattern.”
I remember the summer when I began to break the pattern. But back then it felt like the cycle was breaking me. I had physical withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes I would call my abuser to try to stop the pain, only for it to make the withdrawal worse. I had no therapist. No psychological terms to describe what was happening to me. I was just an 18-year-old with a journal and a pen, trying to map out how to escape from a nightmare situation.
“Take courage.”
For years after the abuse, I struggled with relationships. When I dated people who loved me in a healthy way, it felt boring. I missed the highs and lows of the toxic relationship of my past. Yet when I tried to date someone who I knew wasn’t good for me, I stopped that too. I knew I couldn’t go back, but I also didn’t know how to proceed forward.
I think we’re all quick to judge Peter in this text. But I see him in a different light this time around. I think of how I came to trust in relationships again. It wasn’t immediate. Courage is an act of building strength.
Peter hesitates. He walks. He sinks. He cries out. He had little faith. He doubted. But he was the only one who got out of the boat and dared to walk on the lake. Peter needed Jesus to continue to show his love for him. It’s in Peter’s weakness we learn more about who Jesus is.
For so long, I looked at my 18-year-old self and saw nothing but weakness. I discounted my healthy marriage of six years, and how I’m about to enter graduate school to become a mental health counselor. But all I see now is her courage, and the patience Jesus had to remind me of his love with each painful step I took away from the abuse.
Dear Lord, please be with anyone who feels weak and trapped in toxic relationships. Remind them of your strength when they can’t call upon their own. Help them to feel courage in the face of their abusers. Amen.
Benediction
Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant,equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. (Heb. 13:20-21)