It’s easy for Christians to fall into a rut: Church is a thing you do, prayer is a box to check, and faith seems far from “the real world.” This fall we let Jesus himself confront our ruts. “Do you believe this?” he asks (Jn. 11:26).
To believe in Jesus is to experience him. It’s more than logic, argument, and doctrine. It is intimate knowledge of God himself. This fall, let Jesus himself speak to you in his seven “I AM” statements in the gospel of John. How is he changing you? What response is he inspiring in you? To believe in him changes everything.
Invocation
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Ponder
Today we ponder the I AM statement: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Why are darkness and night associated with sin and evil? What darkness are you experiencing in your life today?
Word
John 11:8, 11
“But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back? … [Jesus] said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.’”
Meditation: Go Back by Susan Becher Schultz
I’ve been having headaches lately. Not the kind I can pop a Tylenol for, but the kind that throws me off balance and reverberates down my shoulders and spine. I started getting these last year, right after my health trauma turned life upside down. I’ve come to find it’s my body’s way of searching for balance. A surge of electricity misfiring as it attempts to regulate my nervous system.
All exciting things have been happening for me lately. I started grad school to become a mental health counselor. I applied for a higher position at my job, and I got it. I’ve started to believe in my capabilities in ways I only dreamed of in my twenties. And yet, my body is revolting. Everything around me seems to be speeding up, but my body begs me to slow down.
I’ve worked the past year at a Children’s Advocacy Center. I’ve supported not only children and caregivers that come in after some of their darkest, most traumatic moments, but also been the go-to fix-it person for an office of fifteen people dealing with their own secondary traumatic stress. On top of that, I’ve mentored student workers and collaborated with other admin to solve problems across the offices. My position, in particular, notoriously has the most turnover in the agency. I’ve been pushing my own feelings down, telling myself to keep going, but the darkness seeps in regardless of the light I try to pour into it. I am beyond exhausted.
As I begin to mentally prepare myself for a transition into a less demanding role, my headaches have gotten worse. The weight of all I’ve carried in this work is hitting, and it’s hitting hard. It happens that way, I know. When you allow yourself the time to step away, your body finds a way to process what your mind has been avoiding.
I’m drawn to this verse in John, where the disciples question Jesus about returning to an unsafe place, because I’ve been confronted internally with similar questions. I know I need to tend to what’s going on in my physical body as my life transitions in big ways, though I’d rather avoid it altogether.
Much like the disciples I find myself baffled at the thought of returning to what feels unsafe. It’s easier to avoid, go around, push through. But I’m reminded in this passage that in returning to an unsafe place Jesus brought a man back from the dead. What once was a place of darkness, Jesus transformed into a beautiful picture of light.
As I begin to sit with my own darkness I’m positive the shakiness will settle and my headaches will subside, as they have before. Just as Jesus turned a dangerous place into the site of a miracle, I know he will shape me through my pain to better prepare me for this next season of life.
Jesus, thank you for remaining a stable foundation to ground into as our lives transition. Remind us of your ability to come alongside us in the darkness so that we might better understand the magnitude of your light. Amen.
Prayer
Jesus, you said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Chase away the sins in my life that like to hide in the shadows. Dispel confusion and ignorance. Shine into the dark corners of my world today. Amen.
Benediction
May the blessing of the eternal God be upon us and upon our work;
His light to guide us,
His presence to strengthen us,
His love to unite us;
Now and always. Amen.